apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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