my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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