I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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