Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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