Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
