Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
