pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
