I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
