genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
