sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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