He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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