So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
