i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize