I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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