After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
