is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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