ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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