You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
