So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
