just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
