in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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