You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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