I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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