You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
