She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
