So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
