chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
