Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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