Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
