What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
