You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
