Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
