sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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