I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
