found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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