Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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