Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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