Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
