is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We need to rekindle our bromance
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
