I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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