I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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