Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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