Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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