Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He kissed a someone with a penis
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
