Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We named our party play list daddy issues
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You can't just leave with hair like that
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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