drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
