Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
