Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
