Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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