My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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