shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
