Cold hands, warm shart.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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