I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
