somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
a search helicopter?!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
