you would pick up someone in the library
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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