Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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