if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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