I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
