I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my liver is dry heaving
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
