Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
