it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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