I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
