True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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