i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
