They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
