party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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