All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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